Good, good, good vibrations over the web

No, we are not talking about down loading that classic Beach Boys song. We are talking about the latest in toys designed to enhance your relationship.

Note: The following post contains references to sex and new technology in sex toys. If that is not your deal, check back with us another day when we are back to our normally G-Rated selves.

As you know we like to post on the latest and greatest of what's new in relationships. In her article today, Jennifer Parks of Canwest News Service introduces us to teledildonics: electronic sex toys that are controlled via the internet. For those couples that indulge in cybersex and are already making that mental connection via the web, teledildonics would assist with the physical side of things, presumably making it a more complete experience. Or at least increase the level of interaction when you are miles apart.

According to Parks' research, the idea is this: You would buy an internet compatible sex toy and then download the appropriate software (highjoy.com and sinulator.com are suggested in the article...we know nothing about them at this point). Then, all your partner requires is access to the internet and they can then control your sex toy over the web.

Who would use this? Well, the image of a busy corporate executive who is unable to get home for a lunchtime quickie availing himself of these products and services has a decidedly high Yuck factor for me. Yet, somehow military personnel using them to stay intimate while they are posted overseas isn't quite as distasteful. But that is just me.

I worry about the seedy, um, er, the seedier side of this technology. Will people cheat more with this technology? Will it cause more infidelity? I can certainly imagine a situation where a person is having cybersex with someone other than their spouse, arguing it isn't really cheating...

Labels: relationships, sex

posted by Heather and Dan @ 11:39 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Lose weight for your wedding

Who doesn't want to look and feel their best on their wedding day? Who doesn't want to look and feel their best for the rest of their lives?


We've learned about a simple (and we mean simple) approach to weight loss that is really changing the way we look at food and diets. It's working for us and we think it will work for you. It is a great approach to losing weight that couples can easily do together. Seriously. No one will feel like they are suffering.

This is not a drop-lots-of-weight-fast diet. So, if your wedding is in 10 days, we can't help you!

But if you have a few months to go before the Big Day, then you really have to try it. It is the easiest change I've ever made. And it is the kind of lifestyle alteration that will serve you well your whole life. Really, I think it is that good!

Some of you may have seen this program "I can Make You Thin" on TLC, some of you may have missed it. But Dan and I have been doing it for the last couple of months (with a few days off here and there) and I'm just amazed at how much less we are eating! And I am completely stunned at the control I have around food now. You know those snacks that call you (OK, me!) from the cupboard even when you are not even hungry? Now, I can take them or leave them. I have actually lost cravings and interest. Amazing.

Now, we are not worried about squeezing into fancy clothes for a wedding, so we don't have that pressure. But we, like many other couples, both want to be healthier and be around a long time with each and with our children. We both have goals and we plan to help each other reach them. For example, I STILL have baby weight to get off (yikes, Max is almost 2!) and I will be turning 40 next year. I plan to be 40 and fabulous, and I believe this program is going to be the way to get me there!

Whether you are in the pre-marriage stage of your relationship, newly married or been together for years, you should check out this program and try it together.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!


Note: The links to McKenna's site are affiliate links. That is, we get a commission if you buy from him after following our link. We will only ever recommend products or services that we can truly recommend on their own merits; never for the commission alone. In addition, they will need to fit with the themes of this site, things that we think might be helpful to you as a couple. Lastly, if you ever have a problem with one of our affiliates, please let us know. We only want to be doing business with reputable firms.

posted by Heather and Dan @ 7:18 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Trading Places Blog Book tour

As promised, here is our post for participation in our first blog book tour. We posed 3 questions to Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott (Ok we were only supposed to pose one question, but I couldn't decide what to ask so I left it up to them) They very kindly answered all my questions below.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of www.RealRelationships.com and the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their bestselling books include Love Talk, Your Time Starved Marriage, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts. Their work has been featured in the New York Times and USA Today and they have appeared on CNN, Good Morning America, and Oprah.

Q1. In your book Trading Places, you mention that one way to gain a greater empathy toward your partner is to learn more about their family of origin and understand better why they are who they are. Not all couples will have access to 3 days worth of home videos to go through (as did the lucky fellow discussed in your book!). In what other ways would you suggest a couple addresses each other’s upbringing as a way to develop a deeper level of mutual empathy?

A1. Sure. This is a process, rather than an event. It takes place through a variety of means. Leslie and I dated for seven years before we got married and we’ve been married 24 years (as of this June) – and we’re still learning about each other’s families and how they shaped who we are.
Here are some ideas on how you can explore your partner’s early years.

One of the most obvious ways is to simply ask about it. We’re always amazed when we are eating at a coffee shop of something and see a couple at another table sitting through their entire meal in silence. It’s almost as if they’ve run out of things to talk about. Don’t let this happen to you. When you have those moments of down time in the car or over a meal and you don’t know what to talk about, make it a point to ask your spouse about his or her childhood. For example, you can ask:

· What was the best gift you ever received as a child and why?

· What was your proudest moment during your gradeschool years?

· What was your favorite thing to do with your mom? Your dad?

· When did you feel most insecure as a child and why?

· What was a typical Saturday like for you when you were in the fourth grade?

· How do you think your birth order in your family shaped who you are today?

· If you could change one thing about your childhood what would it be and why?

· Did you ever feel really betrayed by someone as a kid growing up? What happened?

These are just a few of the kinds of question you can think of on your own to drill down on your spouse’s early years. In addition, take out some of his or her childhood photos. Look at them with your spouse and ask him or her to describe when it was taken and what was going on and how he or she felt at that time.

We’ve also known couples who have learned tons about each other by visiting the old homes and neighborhoods and schools where each of them grew up. In fact, we’ve done this ourselves and it was a real eye opener. You can’t help but to say things like, “Oh, I hadn’t remembered this until just now, but I was standing right here when …”

Still, the quickest and easiest way to explore each other’s family of origin – with an eye on Trading Places – is to simply ask each other creative questions about those early years.

Q2. What role do you see TV and other media playing in society’s current empathetic state (or lack thereof)? We are interested in your opinion regarding both what is on TV (and other media) and the preoccupation with watching TV.

You know, research actually shows that some people can’t help but empathize with the people they are watching in a TV or film, whether it be a fictional character or a real person. Others watch a program with more objectivity. Either way, we are all learning lessons about relationships from the news stories we see on TV, the sitcoms we watch, and the films we see – for better or worse.

The other night we were watching a portion of the fascinating historical series on John Adams. We loved seeing the relationship he had with his wife Abigail. We loved imagining what we would have been like if we’d been living during that time period, struggling with so many things we take for granted in this age. A program like this can be a great catalyst for empathy when you explore how your spouse would be in a similar setting or time period.

Of course, like most of the country, we are hooked on American Idol. We don’t see every episode, but we see enough to cringe when Simon can’t seem to bite his tongue and blurts out his critique. No matter how right he might be, he rarely says it with much empathy. Of course, Paula can barely utter a sentence without a heavy dose of sympathy, if not empathy – and that doesn’t make for nearly as good television, we must admit, as wondering what Simon will say next.

The bottom line on TV and empathy is that it can be a terrific catalyst for conversation – if a couple takes the time to debrief and process what they’ve viewed together. Be it a good example on the screen or not, a follow up conversation that explores both spouse’s experience of the show is valuable; and can often be a portal to greater empathy for each other.

Q3. Since reading Trading Places, we have not only been consciously practicing more empathy in our marriage, but also practicing more empathy with our children. What are the benefits of overtly teaching empathy to children for their relationships and for society?

What a great benefit for the entire family! This is one of the most important qualities we can model for our kids. As parents of two young boys, ages 5 and 10, we are intentional about not only trying to empathize with them – being their parents – but we work hard to help them empathize with us and with each other. Empathy is at the heart of every healthy family and it doesn’t happen without great intentional efforts from mom and dad.

So we commend you! You have no idea how many ridiculous conflicts can be avoided by seeing the issue from your child’s point of view – and vice versa. In fact, while writing Trading Places, we wondered whether we should write another book called Trading Places With Your Kids. Imagine how this practice would smooth out so many of the wrinkles of adolescence! Maybe, as our kids get older, we just might write it.

We at CouplesQuestions hope you do! Thanks very much for answering our questions so well.

For a peek inside the book go to the Zondervan (the publisher) website. Look for our full book review in this space soon or check out our e-zine article.

The next stop on the blog book tour is A Marriage Therapist's Blog. For a full list of the blogs participating in this tour, follow the link.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: love, marriage, recommended, relationships

posted by Heather and Dan @ 7:24 AM 0 Comments Links to this post

Blog Book Tour

CouplesQuestions is participating in a something new (at least for us): a Blog Book Tour.

This two week blog book tour is for Dr. Les and Leslie Parrott's upcoming new book titled Trading Places: The Best Move You'll Ever Make In Your Marriage! Follow the link to read an overview of the book. We've read and enjoyed the book and will be posting our review in this space soon.

Tomorrow, we will be the first blog in the book tour to welcome the authors' responses to our questions about the subject matter of the book: practicing empathy in your marriage. Whether you are engaged, newly married or are a seasoned hand at marital bliss, you will benefit from this idea and this book.

The complete schedule for Les & Leslie Parrott’s blog tour for Trading Places can be found here.

Drs. Les and Leslie Parrott are founders of RealRelationships.com and the Center for Relationship Development at Seattle Pacific University. Their bestselling books include Love Talk, Your Time Starved Marriage, and the award-winning Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: marriage, recommended

posted by Heather and Dan @ 9:17 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Dan is sick

He is too sick to fix the registration page for the CQ marriage prep program, so I've just extended the FLARE promo by a week.

It started as flu and progressed quickly to bronchitis and pneumonia. He'll be OK (yay for modern medicine!) but it is going to take a while before he is up on his feet again.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: about CouplesQuestions, service announcements

posted by Heather and Dan @ 3:38 PM 0 Comments Links to this post

Wedding Planning Checklist

We've just put the finishing touches on the CQ checklist for anyone planning a wedding.

It's a "to do" list, starting at the beginning and counting down to your Big Day. The list hits all the important things to do before getting married, along with relationship tips to keep the bride and groom sane and still in love!

Even though we are all about the marriage, rather than the wedding (that is the relationship rather than the ceremony)... well, we just can't help ourselves.

But we hope it helps you!

It will guide you through the steps of finding a reception hall, sending wedding invitations, finding a wedding dress, deciding on menu, choosing readings... Don't forget your marriage license! Phew, there's a lot to it! Are you sure you don't just want to elope?

Another route is to hire a good wedding planner to do a lot of this stuff for you. If he or she knows their way around they can save you a bundle. We've got an article on wedding savings in our premarital library, by the way, in which Darsi makes just that point. But even if you do go that route, you'll still find our checklist keeps you thinking about the relationship.

But back to the wedding planning checklist
It is available as a bonus for subscribers when you sign up for our marriage preparation program.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: about CouplesQuestions, marriage, resources, weddings

posted by Heather and Dan @ 10:24 PM 1 Comments Links to this post

Celebrate Earth Day with your Sweetie!

Fun things you can do as a couple to help save the planet:

• plant a garden and grow your own fruits and veggies - it can be fun getting dirty together!
• take a shower together afterward - strictly for water saving purposes, of course!
• tuck away the car keys and take a bike ride together - take an organic picnic, or go out for fair trade coffee somewhere
  
• check out a farmers market in your area and buy local goods -you get to stroll around hand in hand and feel closer to you community
• consider purchasing carbon credits to offset your lifestyle
  
• educate yourselves by reading articles and books and sharing your ideas. Watching movies together (like An Inconvenient Truth) is a great idea , too, or you could join a community environmental group as a couple.
  
• switch your household cleaning products to a greener option - read labels
  
• if you are getting married plan a green wedding - (yes, the bride can still wear white if she wants to!)
• turn the heat down and snuggle up!
  
• turn the AC off and take your clothes off!

Just a few humble suggestions of ways couples can make the planet a better place from CouplesQuestions.com. Be gentle with our Earth. It's the only on we have.

Happy Couples, Happy Planet!

Labels: fun, life, off topic, relationships, togetherness

posted by Heather and Dan @ 6:20 AM 0 Comments Links to this post